Archive - Marriage RSS Feed

The First Disaster…I Mean Date

June 13, 2012 in Marriage, My life with 0 Comments

In honor of actually remembering my wedding anniversary this year, I thought I’d share the story of me and my husband’s official first date.

It was the second half of my senior year of highschool and Boobie(what everyone calls my hubs) had a habit of just “arriving” at my house unannounced and this evening was no different.  I was taking a nap when one of my brothers came and told me he was waiting downstairs.  I still remember what I was wearing:  A black, red and white sweater, some oversized blue jeans and all red K-Swiss.  I cringe now at how I dressed back then but considering my early influences (my mom and J.W.’s) I’d like to say I had two very good excuses.   Normally being told the boy you like has come to see you would make a girl smile but for me it set off an immediate anxiety attack.  I panicked and asked my brothers if he was in the house, which I knew he was but I was saying a silent prayer hoping he decided to wait outside for me instead,  I asked my brother where he was and he said the kitchen and I immediately froze and became completely annoyed.  I’m sure he had to have been getting use to the crazy dysfunction that was our house by this time, but I had a feeling what greeted him and his friend when they walked through our back door that night caught them off guard just a lot little.

Let me set the scene:

The back door lead to the kitchen which had just been recently almost burned down (thanks to forgotten fried chicken, panic and a subsequent grease fire-only the fourth grease fire in my childhood to almost claim our kitchen, and our home), pots, pans and burnt flour were everywhere and all four of my brothers were cleaning the kitchen with bald heads (due to attempting to fix four haircuts gone terribly wrong) and there were at least 5 black cats running around between the kitchen and the living room (my cat had recently had kittens, they all just happened to be black except for one).  This is even weird for me as I’m typing it.  Normally, everyone came through the front door leading to the living room and had he done this, he wouldn’t have been exposed to the children of the corn that were cleaning the mess made in hell’s kitchen. (complete with black cats) As he was waiting for me to come down the stairs I can’t imagine what could have been going through his head but as we often recall this night and laugh about it years later he told me what he was thinking:

In his words…”I thought I had stepped into the twilight zone, I didn’t know whether to run or hide.  Your brothers looked like they had just joined a cult, the kitchen smell like smoke and all I see are black cats running around.  I was thinking, what the heck did I just get myself into.”  To which I reply, “that’s o.k., I’ve asked myself that about you a time or ten myself.  Too sarcastic for my own good.

It took me a couple of minutes to come downstairs as I attempted to get myself together and figure out a sane explanation for the chaos.  He did a great job of covering his shock and flashed a cute but nervous smile as I walked through the kitchen trying not to show my complete humiliation.   I wanted to kill the brother that opened the door and allowed Boobie into our dysfunction.   I smiled back and while part of me wanted to give an explanation a voice said why bother, he already thinks you’re crazy.   As his friend stood behind him surveying the insanity, he asked me if I wanted to go to get something to eat with him to celebrate his friends birthday.  (Not only did my brothers let him in, they let his friend in too.  Of all times to bring the BFF along)  I could tell he was doing everything in his little teenage boy power to keep his eyes on me and not the destruction behind me.  And I swear I saw what looked like a half smirk as he was talking to me.  I quickly replied yes and all but pushed them out the door.  Really wanting to go, I didn’t even bother to tell my father who sat in the living room watching T.V, where I was going.  I just told him I would be back shortly and surprisingly he nodded o.k.  For some reason he was fond of my husband and was actually nice to him.

We left and went out to eat with his friend and his friends girlfriend who now happens to be my aunt-in-law or something like that.  I was still embarrassed and barely said anything the entire night.  To add to the craziness, I had been participating in a 21 day fast that my entire church was doing (I didn’t even fully understand fasting at this time-I don’t think I prayed once-so you might as well say I was on an extended diet) and I hadn’t eaten anything besides broth in days.  When I revealed this to them they just kind of looked at me like…really!?!  I decided to break the fast that night-so I wouldn’t look like a total schizo-to eat chicken fingers and fries but I could barely eat anything at all.

Boobie continued to be a gentleman and attempted to make me feel comfortable but I really just wanted the date to end so I could go home and bury my head under the covers.  While he was busy making me laugh and thinking of ways to get me to talk, I was sure this would be the last time I would see him.  Surprisingly he was more understanding than I thought and even though he found the whole night rather weird it didn’t seem to bother him as much as it bothered me.  I would later learn that was because his family had their own little carnival of dysfunction going on.

Takes one to know one!

Happy anniversary babes!

Pumps, Babies and Forgotten Anniversaries

June 12, 2012 in Marriage, My life with 0 Comments

So…

My anniversary is in a few days and this year I want to make sure I don’t forget.  Yes.  Last year, when June 14 rolled around, I couldn’t tell you what me or my husband were doing but we were not celebrating our anniversary, I know that much!  It was only our 3rd anniversary but somehow life got in the way and neither one of us remembered the day which led to us sharing bills, sharing kids and uh sharing a life!

I’m talking to my sister-in-law on June 16ish and she says….”oh I forgot to tell you guys happy anniversary the other day.”  After completely forgetting my anniversary soaked in I didn’t even have a viable explanation.  What was I doing that day?  What was my husband doing that day?  Should I be more upset at him or me?  I think I’m more upset at me because after all, what newlywed wife forgets her anniversary.

Only the 3rd anniversary at that!

It’s not like we’re old, decrepit, the kids are gone and I’m changing his diapers-we just started.  If marriage were a book, we’re still in the table of contents!

June 14th was on a Tuesday last year and I had just returned to work from maternity leave a week earlier, so I imagine it went something like this:

I got in from work , kissed my husband and pumped.  I played with the kids and pumped.  I cooked dinner, straightened the house and then most likely nursed and then pumped.

I remember!  I forgot my anniversary last year because I had to pump!  Pumping and nursing took over my life.  When I wasn’t pumping  or nursing to actually feed Alivia, I was pumping to store milk for future use.  We won’t mention the three full bags which continue to sit in my deep freezer.  I blame pumping!  That has to be it-what else could make me forget my anniversary.

I have a memory like an elephant!

-I STILL remember my phone number from when I was 6

-I remember my first day of 2nd grade vividly, partly because my mom sent me to school with green hair (that’s a story for another day)

-I remember every address I’ve ever lived at since I was born.

-I never forget a birthday so how is it I forgot my anniversary!?!

PSA:  Brought to you by protesters of the La Leche League:

While breastfeeding exclusively is notably nutritious for your beautiful growing baby and it will provide them with many lifelong benefits there are potential side effects all mothers should be aware of including but not limited to:

-Breasts that leak at the worse possible times (like during job interviews)

-Having to completely change your wardrobe to accommodate easy access to the “milk” at all times

-Rearranging your life by your pumping schedule

-Not being able to be out more than 3 hours without either your pump or your baby

-Waking up at all times of the night because breastmilk is so efficient the baby is hungry every 3 minutes!

-Impaired operation of a motor vehicle due to extreme exhaustion

-Having to feed your baby and/or pump through a painful case of thrush because…well…how else are they going to eat.

-Forgetting things such as anniversaries, birthdays, your husbands name, etc due to not being able to focus on hardly anything other than being milked by your baby and/or your pump

This is not to deter anyone from the beautiful experience of exclusively breastfeeding but it is important to make you aware.

So this year, because there is no nursing/pumping involved I remembered my anniversary and we won’t have a repeat of last year.  June 14th baby!!

Thou Shalt Not Complain!

November 23, 2011 in Marriage with 0 Comments

Sometimes we can spend so much time complaining to God about our spouses and dwelling on the things that irritate us most about them. We focus on all the things we do for them and all the things they neglect to do for us. While many of the complaints we as wives have are valid, it would serve us well to focus on changing ourselves and letting God handle him. Even though I haven’t been married for that long, I’ve been stuck in the complaining rut too many times to admit. The more I complained and pouted and threw hissy fits, the worse his attitude got, and the worse my complaining got. It ends up being a very nasty and depressing cycle! One day I was standing on the end of the couch complaining to God about my husband once again and the thought came to me. What if he never does what I expect or act the way I want him to act? What if that little pesky habit never changes? What am I going to do about it other than complain? What can I do about it? I realized trying to change his behavior and his habits were only frustrating him and depressing me. Instead I asked what I could do to change my own behavior, or my own reaction to certain things? I decided that day to focus more on me and how I perceived and reacted to certain things and less on trying to change his behaviors.

I decided to change my focus to the things that I loved about my husband and focus on those things that I appreciated about him. I Corinthians 13:5 says “Love is not self seeking, is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrong”. Well I was very easily angered and I kept every record of wrong and posted it on his forehead every chance I got. I noticed I was out of the will of God and my behavior was not doing much for my marriage. I can honestly say, things that used to bother me and send me over the edge before, don’t bother me as much now. I still have complaints but now I try to convey my concerns in a way that is nonjudgmental and not nagging. I don’t dwell on what irritates me and instead I focus on what I love about my husband and then I let him know what I love about him. I also notice when I show him appreciation, he loves it and I reap the benefits of that. We all are social beings and the need to feel appreciated and encouraged by others is one we all have. As a child, I hated constantly being told that I could never do things right or being made to feel like I was a constant failure so why was I subjecting my husband to the same treatment just because I wasn’t getting my way.

Truth is I am extremely blessed with a handsome, caring, affectionate, funny and loving husband who loves God. When I stop to think about it, he is also really very patient too because I can truly be a handful at times and instead of having a few choice words for me, he continues to support, encourage, and love me. I thank God for my husband!