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March Madness!!

March 21, 2013 in Day to Day with 0 Comments

So, yeah, 2013 is starting off with a true bang!  There is so much to do and plan for and trust God with.  We’ve had our share of life altering events but this month has truly taken the cake!  I would like to share with you what the last six weeks alone has had in store for this soon to be family of 6!

-Selling our house (while still living in it)

We have to always keep our home show ready because of the back to back to back showings and complete strangers wanting to be all up in our bathroom, our bedroom, our closets and well…all up in our personal space.

Then, somewhere in-between working full-time, we are simultaneously looking to find somewhere else to live, while considering school districts, and proximity to grocery shopping, local parks, to our help i.e babysitters and daycare, commute time back and forth to work, all while actually finding a house that’s big enough, functional enough and most important affordable enough for us to be able to…well afford anything else.

Yay!, moving is SO FUN!

-Sickness running up and through our whole house like a tornado

Imagine an upper respiratory flu that is not only persistent, but highly contagious, likes to stick around for at least a week before moving on and all but completely immobilizes you for at least the first two days with body aches, chills, fever, a cough that makes you sound like you smoke a pack of cigarettes a day and a headache that makes you want to just retreat to a dark room and stay there while you rock back and forth in front of the window, and then just leaves you dragging along for the next week or so.  Then imagine this flu taking its sweet time ravaging through every member of your household, slowly picking them off one, by one, by one.

That’s been us for the last month.

I always brag I never get sick.  Not this time!  That thing took me down like a freight train.  I blame the baby that’s sucking all the life out of my immune system right now.  Gotta love being sick in your third trimester!!

-Third trimester struggle

At this point, I get about 2.5 to 3 hours of sleep a night because I’m either tossing and turning trying unsuccessfully to find a comfortable position or hoping up to go to the bathroom every two hours during which time my hips proceed to crack and give out on me.  About 30 minutes before my alarm goes off for work, I finally find a position I can sleep in.   Never fails.

I have these out of whack hormones that are a danger to everyone around me.  One night as I was working late, my internet kept cutting out, so I’m frantically on the phone with my internet company, while my two youngest are jumping on my back wanting twinkle, twinkle little star, while my pre-teen is hollering over everyone telling me about her day (completely ignoring the two youngest), while trying to communicate with my co-worker, oh all while Braxton-Hicks contractions are kicking my butt.  After getting off the phone ready to kill the customer service rep on the other end, I waddled in the kitchen and proceeded to yell at my husband for not thinking to add diced tomatoes to the dinner and then sobbing uncontrollable in his chest.

Jesus be a fence!

-Husband started a new job

Said job requires at least 12 hours out of his day while the commute requires at least two additional hours.  This job is rather fast paced and learning quickly is absolutely essential so the majority of his attention is currently focused on being the best he can be on the job while my attention is…..everywhere else….all at the same time!

-Husband gets into a car accident

On the way home from work, totaling his paid off car 4 days before he is to start his new job which is 35 miles away from home. Thankfully, he and the other party both came away unscathed.  So begun our journey to find a replacement car that was payment free, reliable, affordable and needed immediately!

On top of all this, we’re trying to get things together for the new baby, shuffling our kids around until I go on maternity leave, planning a birthday party, trying to make time for each other, the kids, and the outside world while trying to keep our ever-loving sanity!

Blogging has been sorta kinda pushed to the backburner for now.

After the worldwind of last year, for 2013 I asked God to show me how to completely trust him and lean on him.

My prayers are being answered!lol

However, through all of this madness I am truly thankful.

-Thankful because God heard my prayers

-Thankful because I’ve been put in situations where I’ve HAD to ask for help.

-Thankful because God has used those around me to always provide the help that was needed.

-Thankful that he’s shown me even when I’ve lost total control, he’s still in control.

-Thankful that I see my need for grace and humbly accept the new abundant supply each morning.

-Thankful that this season of chaos has caused me to lean on him intimately, intensely and completely

Please pray our endurance and strength through it all, while I go somewhere and scream!

As the Numbers Increased, Reality Set In

July 23, 2012 in Day to Day, My life with 4 Comments

 

The first, I spent time filling out the memory book

The second I just managed to throw stuff in the memory book

The third, there is no memory book.

The first, I boiled all the pacifiers daily

The second I rinsed it off every time it hit the floor

The third, I employed the 5 second rule

The first, it was all Baby Phat, Carters and Old Navy

The second, it was all Target, Walmart and outlet shops

The third, it’s all Once Upon a Child and hand me downs

The first, Huggies was a must, changed at the thought of a soiled diaper

The second, Pampers all day, changed at least five times a day

The third, straight Target brand, and “how long you been sitting in this poop”

 

It’s just not possible or sane to keep up all the hoopla we go through with the first child.  With more kids comes more wisdom and more ingenuity in saving money and cutting corners!

Gotta love motherhood!!

A Rare Day

July 11, 2012 in Day to Day, My life with 1 Comment

I didn’t drive myself crazy today running around trying to accomplish 50 different things at once.   There were no extracurricular activities to take the kids to and I didn’t have any appointments.  I cooked dinner last night so there was no menu to plan out, and no recipe to prepare.    The house was a mess and there was a huge pile of clothes waiting to be folded but instead of worrying myself about these things, I decided to neglect them for a task far more important; playing with the girls.

Instead of coming in from work, dropping my bags on the kitchen counter, rolling up my sleeves and preparing to run from one task to another until the time came and went for me to go to bed, I gave my daughters extra kisses, lots of hugs, and my much needed undivided attention.

This is rare considering there are always bills to be paid, floors to be mopped, hair to be combed, dinner to be prepared and all the other myriad of tasks occupying my time from one day to the next.  I barely stop to breathe and normally the kids fall victim to not enough hours in a day.

When they get older and reflect back on the days of their youth, they won’t remember so much how clean the kitchen floor was kept or how often the clothes were kept from piling up on the dryer, but they’ll remember all the times we rolled on the floor and laughed until our stomachs hurt and how when I read them bedtime stories, I disguised my voice to what I thought the characters sounded like in the book.

So today, as I walked in from work I ignored the disheveled state of the house, walked past the clothes piled on top of the dryer and took Nessa, Livi and Sa’Rae for a walk around the neighborhood, picked up some kids along the way, returned home and sat outside until it was time to feed them dinner.  I actually got the chance to sit down and read a book with them, fumble over letters and sounds with Nessa and talk to Rae and her friends about crushes, anger issues and drama among friends.

Instead of beating myself up over all the things I failed to accomplish, or running around like a chicken with her head cut off, I allowed myself some grace realized all those unfinished tasks would still be there tomorrow and enjoyed the gifts God has given me-my children.  I enjoyed my time with them and didn’t allow the thoughts of life to cloud the joy of living it.

While tomorrow might be completely different and most likely I’ll be back to running around half baked, I realize these days are precious and they are to be cherished because these are the days they will remember most.

Beautiful Rainbows

June 22, 2012 in Day to Day, Inspiration with 1 Comment

I saw a huge BEAUTIFUL rainbow out after yesterdays brief storms.  The sky was gorgeous shades of orange.

 

Everytime I see a rainbow I see a sign of Gods grace and mercy.  I am reminded of Genesis 9:12-15

12 And God said, “This is the sign of the covenant I am making between me and you and every living creature with you, a covenant for all generations to come: 13 I have set my rainbow in the clouds, and it will be the sign of the covenant between me and the earth. 14 Whenever I bring clouds over the earth and the rainbow appears in the clouds, 15 I will remember my covenant between me and you and all living creatures of every kind. Never again will the waters become a flood to destroy all life.

Everytime I see a rainbow I think God must be saying: Yall really showin out with your selfishness, greed, whining and complaining, and just plain lack of regard for my holiness. I’m gonna stop the rain though cause I keep my promises.  (lol, o.k. maybe not)

Every time I see a rainbow I see a beautiful reminder that God gave his Son the wrath and gave us the promise of salvation, IF we repent and turn back to him.

Happy Friday!

Staying Safe on Facebook

June 21, 2012 in Day to Day with 0 Comments

Guns don’t kill people, people kill people.  This was a slogan put out by NRA supporters.  Even though this train of thought is complete nonsense, in the context of social media, this premise is right on.  Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and the like don’t ruin lives, people’s ignorance, naivety and stupidity do.

If used properly and responsibly, social media makes life easy.  It allows us endless possibilities in regards to marketing a business, building a platform and reaching groups of people that were only dreamed of years ago.

If you’ve ever seen the movie “The Social Network”, you’ve probably gathered that Mark Zuckerberg is not the most honorable guy on the planet.  If there is even a smidgen of truth in the Hollywood fictionalized story of how Facebook came to be, you know when you’re logged in, you should trust no one and watch your back at all times; right?  Riiiggghht…

Soap box time:  There are plenty of grown-ups who aren’t responsible enough to handle the lure of social media so allowing and encouraging your vulnerable, minor child to lie in an attempt to skirt Facebook’s age requirement; just stupid, dumb, shameful, pitiful, and umm illegal…you get the point.  Hoping off my box now.

A few weeks ago I had to do a presentation at work on Facebook safety and what follows are a few things discussed that would be helpful to know (if you didn’t already) the next time you log in.

  1. Keep your privacy settings updated.  Facebook’s privacy settings and privacy policy are constantly changing so it would be a great idea to make sure your settings are updated every time the privacy policy changes.
  2. You gotta pay to play.  Every time you play a game or download an app in order to watch Sheika putting a beat down on Sasha on socialcam or unlock answers your friends have posted about you, there is some program in the background collecting information and sharing it with marketers while you are being distracted.  So while your milking your cows, trading vegetables and watching teen violence, your information is being comprised and all your custom privacy settings don’t mean a thing.
  3. Be selective who you accept as a “friend”.  20 to 40 percent of all new profiles are fake.  They are created by private detectives, employers, identity thieves and shady people in order to get information about you.  If you are still o.k. with accepting “unknown” friend requests, share as little personal information on your profile as possible.
  4. Keep a clean house.  Even if all your privacy settings are perfect, you never play games, download apps or put questionable information out there, someone else could be posting incriminating evidence from that one time you got so drunk you_________.  Be careful, and know you do have at least some control over what photos others tag you in.  There is a privacy setting that allows you to approve photos you are tagged in before they appear on someone else’s page.
  5. Facebook Privacy Notice is fake.  Long sigh…sometimes even the best of us can fall victim to our ignorance.  It states in the Facebook privacy policy that any information you post can be used publicly and if you delete your account, information about you can be used even if someone else posts it and since you agreed to this when you signed up, did you really think posting some long, very legal sounding mumbo, jumbo barely understandable to the common person was going to protect your rights?  After all, we are dealing with Mark Zuckerberg’s team.  You’ve seen “The Social Network” right?  You were being publicly traded long before Facebook was. (It does sound extra legal and smart and stuff though)

How Many Hours of My Life

June 20, 2012 in Day to Day, My life with 0 Comments

I comb a lot of hair. With three girls, a considerable amount of my time is spent washing, drying, conditioning, combing, styling or maintaining hair. It’s really fun (insert sarcasm here) around the three year mark when they decide they should have some say in how their hair is styled.

The best thing I probably did for myself was learn how to braid at a very young age. God knew I would need as much practice as possible to prepare me for the mini girl-scout troop he would bless me with. From the ages of 1 to about 3 ½ , doing my daughters hair has been a slow torturous death to my nerves. With Alivia and Nessa it’s a battle from wash to style.

I used to often ask God to help me with patience. Lesson: be careful what you pray for.

Our hair time battles go a little like this:

With Nessa: “Stay still Nessa, put your head down Nessa. NO! don’t yank away from me Nessa.” Her protest: “STOP mommy, I want to get up, (attempting to run away mid braid), are we all done mommy? Mooommmy!”, (in the most high pitched, annoying whine she can produce). Then the lying usually starts. “My leg hurts…my arm hurts…I’m hungry!” Pleading for the sanity of my nerves and the sparing of my fingers: “No Nessa, stay still, please, please Nessa, stay still!

With Alivia, I have to put on movies, pull out all her favorite toys, sing songs, do tricks and contort my body in unreasonable positions just to put in two simple braids and ponytails.

Sa’Rae’s hair is so unreasonably thick so it takes forever just to wash. Every time I have to do her hair I want to just grab the clippers and end it all.

The Evolution of Styling:

Sa’Rae was our only child until she was 8. I used to put her hair in all kind of braids and beads, pretty ponytails, and intricate styles. I styled her hair often and adorned her with all kinds of barrettes, bows and other hair accessories. Bad hair days didn’t exist. Oh no, I wasn’t having that. Fast forward to May 5, 2009 (the day Nessa was born), it all went downhill from there. Bad hair days were born. Time between styling got longer and longer as I tried to juggle two heads of hair plus my own. I still managed to do all the pretty little styles but it wasn’t easy. After Alivia arrived, all the pretty, intricate styles became a thing of the past. Now bad hair days are a regularity around here. Now it’s, “what’s the quickest style I can do to move on to the next one.”

Hair in Hours:

So the equation goes like this: At least 7.5 hours every other week between us to wash and style, at least 4 hours of maintenance on weekends we don’t wash and style and 30 minutes between all of us each day maintaining: 7.5+7.5+4+4=23 hours a month of weekly maintenance, plus 3.5*4=14 hours of daily maintenance = an average of 37 hours a month, or 444 hours a year just doing hair. Now I see why my nerves are completely shot.

I’m currently teaching Sa’Rae how to care for her own hair. There has to be some relief to this madness. After all, it will be a fine day when I can do more to my own hair other than slapping it in a ponytail.

Back at It!

June 11, 2012 in Day to Day, My life with 0 Comments

Words have been swirling around in my head the entire night. Apprehension about what to write, how to write it and why I’m writing set in around…Friday. The weekend was full of self-doubt, self pity and confusion about what lies ahead as far as this writing journey. I read the beginnings of what would be a novel written by a seventh grader and let me tell you, she basically put John Grisham and some other New York Times bestselling authors to shame. It reminded me of my passion to write when I was younger and if I would have stuck with it, where I would have been by now. As I was reading some of my older journal entries from a couple of years ago, it seemed as if writing came so much easier back then. The words just flowed and as I read it, I wonder why it seems to be such a job for me now. The effort it takes to get a paragraph these days is awfully laborious. However back then it seemed almost effortless-like I wasn’t even trying-the words just flowed from my thoughts on command. I believe this is due to two factors.

Back then, I wrote with no motive. I was writing simply because I had the desire, I was motivated and it was something I knew I always wanted to do.

Secondly, I didn’t have an audience. No one to impress and no need to worry about criticism. So the words just flowed straight from the heart-filter free.

What I wrote back then flowed from a place I’m fighting to get back to. It seems strangely complicated now-this writing thing-but I’m determined to stick with it. This is my passion and it’s what I’ve always wanted to do.

Prayer time this weekend was severely limited due to sleeping in and the kids getting up when I did. Normally I get up well before the kids and have time to just pray, read my bible and spend time with God. This makes all the difference in my day-and my life. I can so tell when I have not had time to do this because the enemy of my soul works overtime at bringing me feelings of discouragement, shame and relentless taunting. I’ve doubted myself more this weekend than I have the last couple of months and I’m sure this is directly related to my lack of time with God. I’m extremely vulnerable these days because stepping out on faith is terrible scary and I’m used to letting fear and self doubt get the best of me. Its classic me to beat myself into a mental pulp until I can’t even hear the voice of God anymore and I just retreat back in the corner and give up. It doesn’t feel good continuing to fight-quite honestly-but for me there is no other way anymore. Fear is my greatest enemy but through God I have already conquered this formidable opponent. I just need to allow God to operate through me and let the words flow from a place of honesty and passion.

I posted one of my older journal entries from 2006 on my blog Friday and the more I thought about what I posted the more I wanted to take it down. Our challenge Friday for the 15 days to Becoming A Great Writer series I’m taking part in was to take a risk and either pitch a magazine, submit a book for publishing or share something on our blog about ourselves that no one knows. I chose sharing something no one had known. What I shared was extremely personal and it put me in a potentially negative light. I shared an experience with one of my weaknesses-anger-and how it has affected my family in the past. This was, and is, extremely uncomfortable knowing it’s out there for the world to see. I’ve shared something about myself and the transparency is not what I’m used to. Even though sharing my battle with certain issues may minister to someone else, I remain apprehensive. It’s typical for me to keep everything about me to myself. I’m very comfortable being closed and guarded. I don’t allow myself to get too close to hardly anyone for fear of me having to share too much of…me. I realize this makes me appear to be isolated or anti-social but up until now, I’ve chosen to live with the unfavorable reality of having no one, rather than to share myself with anyone. I realize to be where God wants me to be this has got to change, and it’s the hardest part about writing for the world to see.

My fear is not that no one will ever read this blog, it’s that someone other than my family will read this blog. I’m letting someone into my head, my thoughts, my experiences and my reality and this doesn’t sit well with me. I realize however change is not easy, and it’s extremely scary. Today as I continue moving forward and as I spend time with God, I know he will fill me with what’s needed to get through today’s challenges. I have to relinquish my fears and trust him to guide me through the unknown.

I’m watching a movie called Fireproof this morning. It’s helping me stay up to write. It’s a movie about a husband and wife who are having problems in their marriage and are headed for divorce. The husbands father convinces him to do a 40 day challenge where he does different things to show how much he loves his wife regardless of the opposition. The interesting thing is each day that passes and the more he does these gestures to show his wife he loves her, she rejects him and pulls farther away- even filing for divorce at one point. It completely frustrates him and he considers giving up several times. But he persists until Day 40 and beyond and eventually his marriage is restored. As I write this morning I take two pieces of wisdom from this movie:

As long as he was just going through the motions, things remained the same. His wife could tell his heart wasn’t in what he was doing and she knew he would eventually return to the old him. He doubted the challenge would work so it wasn’t working. Until he decided to stop trying so hard and allow God to lead him through the remainder of the challenge-trusting that it would work, his frustrations almost caused him to give up. Lesson: I have to let God lead me with this writing journey. Just going through the motions is not enough-I must continue to believe I am a writer-and let God turn me into one. I must completely trust him, not make it so hard and enjoy the process.

For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. Matthew 11:30

As each day went by, it seemed like the challenges were getting more difficult due to his spouses opposition. What he was doing was so out of character for him, that she couldn’t believe it was true. Even at the end of the 40 days she still hadn’t warmed to the idea of a changed husband. He wanted to give up several times but he didn’t and his willingness to stick it out saved his marriage. Lesson: I am meeting opposition in the form of mental warfare of all kinds, busyness, frustration and burnout from my attention needed so many other places right now. I can’t give up, no matter what. I have to keep going despite the opposition and obstacles and continue to write.

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. James 1:2-4

Simplicity Through The Eyes Of A 3 Year Old

May 20, 2012 in Day to Day with 0 Comments

Our conversation as we drove home from church this afternoon:

“Hey Ma”

“Yes Nessa”

“My back hurts, can I get a new one?”

(Not sure what to say in response to this)

“Um, you can’t get a new one but I’ll make the one you got feel better.”

“O.k. mommy.”

2 seconds later, she continues to complain that she’s hot and now her legs hurt.

“Ma.” (For the fiftieth time in a minute)

“What Nessa”

“Can you get me some new ones.”  (Rubbing her legs)

“Some new what Nessa.”

“I need some new legs too, because they hurt and they’re hot.  Can you get me some new ones.”

 

Sorry kid, swapping body parts is not as simple as buying new shoes.  You gotta kinda work with the ones you got.

 

 

Mommy’s Day

May 14, 2012 in Day to Day, Holidays with 0 Comments

nessacooking.jpg

 “There is no way to be a perfect mother, and a million ways to be a good one” – Jill Churchill

Being a mom has to be one of the most difficult, insane, dirty and tiring jobs in the world.  It is a full-time, 24 hour a day, 7 day a week gig.  It’s also a job for which no prior experience can prepare you for what it’s really like.  Despite the many child rearing books, online advice and psychological studies that have been done, there are never clear cut answers or remedies for raising children.

Most of my days consist of eagerly counting down the hours until either naptime or bedtime while trying to calm down a 3 year old from having a serious meltdown because she couldn’t zip her jacket or explaining to my 10 year old that the world will not end just because her friend can’t sleep over on a school night or being exhausted wrestling a 1 year old just to get her diaper changed.  I love my babies but they are some of the most annoying, rude, gross, loud, and whiny people on the face of the planet.  There are always prayers to be said, lunches to be fixed, hair to be combed, baths to be given, dinner to be prepared, permission slips to be signed, school plays to attend, rides to be given, questions to be answered, boo boos to be doctored, fights to break up, and mini crisis to be solved all the day long.  However, the “I love you mommy’s”, the kisses and hugs, the thank you’s, the good grades, the giggles and hysterical laughs, and the tears from missing you makes it all worth it.  I would not trade the craziness these three girls bring to my life for anything.

I am so hard on myself as a mother.  I feel I need to get it right most of the time or else I’ll turn out complete menaces to society.  Sometimes I feel an incredible burden to make the right decision or say the right thing at the right time or make profound statements that my children will pass down to their children.  You know how you hear people say, my mother always said ____________.    Truth is, I feel I screw up more than I get it right.  I rarely say the right thing at the right time and I find myself completely tongue tied when my children ask me things and the only thing I can think to say at the moment is “I don’t know”, but that is just not acceptable to a child because children have a way of asking things over and over and over and over again until they get the answer they deem acceptable.  So I find myself babbling through some explanation or answer that I’m sure left them more confused than they started but hey, that’s all I have at the moment.  That’s all God asks of me though, to give all I have at that moment.

Yesterday’s moment came when I had to figure out how to break it to Vonessa that she couldn’t go outside with Sa’rae and her friends because she wasn’t big enough.  She LOVES hanging with her older sister’s friends and whenever she sees them playing she has to tag along or she has a fit.   Not just any fit, but falling on the floor screaming for her sister to come back at the top of her lungs, legs kicking in the air, beating on the door like she was trying to escape from prison, tears streaming down her face kinda fit.  I didn’t have the energy to deal with that and Alivia’s not yet old enough to keep Vonessa interested so I had to think of something fast before she heard the older girls leaving out the door.  The only thing I could think to do was make cupcakes.  This is the very LAST thing I wanted to be doing but… she loves to cook and I knew this would be the only thing that would distract her.  She heard the girls go out the door and asked me with the quiver lip where they were going and when her sister was coming back.  Surprisingly she didn’t break down when I came up with an explanation about big girls doing big things and her possibly getting hurt if she tagged along.  She accepted my explanation, I think only because she knew she was about to make cupcakes but her and Alivia enjoyed completely destroying my kitchen and those cupcakes turned out good!

I love being a mommy!


She’s a master mixer!


This is what she calls helping

 

One of Those Days

April 23, 2012 in Day to Day, Inspiration with 0 Comments

Today is one of those days where I need the strength of God because I can do nothing of my own strength. No…I literally can do nothing of my own strength, as in, I can’t write, I can’t work, I can’t mother, I can’t wife. I am just uninspired to do anything but sit here and pout but I know I can’t. All I’m able to do right now is keep repeating to myself that I can’t give up. Give up on what? Give up on the things I feel that I’m not able to accomplish right now…which feel like everything! All I can do is sit here and say to myself I will submit to God and resist the devil and he must flee from me. (Jam 4:7) Greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world. (1Jn 4:4) God is my refuge and my strength, a very present help in trouble. (Ps 46:1-2) Boy do I feel like I’m in trouble right now! I feel like I’m at a standstill and nothing is being accomplished. All I can do is keep telling myself the Lord will perfect that which concerns me and He will instruct me and teach me in the way I should go. (Ps 138:8,Ps 32:8) I have to believe that and trust He will do what He said He would do and that right now, right where I am today, confused, lost, scared, doubtful, and concerned, I do not lack any good thing. (Ps 34:10) So I’m am going to get up from here and refrain my voice from weeping, and my eyes from tears, for my work shall be rewarded. (Jer 31:16) I shall not labor in vain. (Is 65:23) Even though today I feel defeated, unable and incapable I will wait on the Lord and renew my strength. I will run and not be weary, walk and not be faint. (Is 40:30-31) And Lord I am going to believe you when you say “For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you. (Is 41:13)

His word is so powerful! He just literally talked me through that! When I’m feeling like I’ve been feeling today, like I don’t know what’s right in front of me because everything is dark, like I can only see the step that I’m on, I say to myself: Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path. (Ps 119:105)

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